That Dream

It’s been several months since I last posted in this blog. I think that is partially due to the fact that so much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin. So I don’t. However, the time has come when I need to sum up the past few months in order to move on.

My New Year’s resolution for 2012 was to spend time every single day in the Word. I have struggled with this throughout my life. I would go through periods in which I would dive deep into the Word, keep a journal, and pray consistently. Then there have been the other times. You know, the times when you fall asleep with your Bible on your bed after reading one sentence? I would be so exhausted that I would just quit. During those periods, I have felt distant from God and knew that something serious was lacking in my life. It’s like people who never exercise. Ever! They know they should. They understand that in order to keep their bodies healthy and strong, they need to work out. But they don’t. They tell their friends all about how they need to start going to the gym. They joke about it, in order to brush off some of the guilt. However, despite how many times they beat around the bush, the fact of the matter is that the only solution is to ACTUALLY EXERCISE- to set a routine. I did this, beginning in January. I made it a spiritual discipline to wake up every day between 5:15 and 5:45 (depending on when I get to bed) and read the Bible, along with a commentary series I am going through. Yes, that time is early, and it is very difficult sometimes. But my motivation is that the moment my alarm clock goes off, the coffee pot clicks on. I hear the sizzle and I begin to smell the brew.

I bring up this discipline I have maintained because through this discipline, I have been able to stand strong. I began the year with twelve registered students in my class. I had six second graders and six third graders. This may seem like a low number, but it was actually high considering we are a boarding school. By the time Christmas rolled around, I had seven, one second grader and six third graders. They were a great bunch! We all traveled to Williams and rode on the Polar Express, followed by pizza in Flagstaff. We read multiple books together and cruised through multiplication. My class was even blessed with the privilege of being the flock of sheep in the Christmas Pageant! They were awesome and so cute! I was even once told that I looked like a mother hen with all her chicks following.

Then a student left.

This was fine. She had good reasons. She and her two siblings went back to live with mom. At such a young age, it is difficult for little ones to live away from home. Christmas came and passed, and my class was reunited in January.

Then two more girls left within the same week.

Wow. That hurt. I was not even allowed to know why one of them left. It was as if it was some big secret. Nobody would tell me! One morning the dorm parents just said to me, “She’s gone.” I’m like WHAT!? I still have no idea why she left and it is so frustrating. With the other, I was told that mom wanted her home.

A few weeks passed and one more got pulled, as her sister was asked to leave.

Then a month passed and another student left. I’m glad this one left. I love her and wish she were here forever, but for personal home reasons, she had to go, and I’m glad because she went to a better place.

The following week one of them came back. I was so excited! That lasted two weeks. Then she got pulled again.

If you weren’t able to keep track, I am now down to two. Yes, two! It’s not even a typical classroom environment anymore, but rather a homeschooling environment. In the beginning of all this drama, I began to think that it was me. But as I look through each case, they were all due to home situations (except for one- which I have no clue). I have improved significantly over the past two years in my teaching. I feel that I am a way better teacher this year, yet last year I maintained ten students for the majority of it.

Though I could sit back and get depressed (which I’m not going to lie, I do sometimes), I need to think of the bigger picture. As mentioned earlier, my daily time with God has equipped me to handle this situation. His Word has taught me to stay strong, and not to be selfish. Throughout this time, I have been reminded that Jesus had twelve disciples- TWELVE! I may have two students, but those two students are important. I am able to spend an incredible amount of time with each of them. We can move faster through our curriculum. We can go on more field trips- as we recently visited the Navajo Zoo and will be at Meteor Crater next week. I need to remember that these two students are very special.

Monday I had a work day. One student was stuck in Flagstaff due to the snow storm, and the other was stuck in Phoenix for the same reason. My boy finally made it back today and he was my only student. During Bible, I pulled a chair up next to his desk and we began reading some of the parables that Jesus told. This was what I had planned- to study the parables this week. However, throughout our time of reading, he kept flipping back to Revelation and asking questions about the end times. Someone once told me that if anyone has questions about God, to cancel whatever plans I had, and focus on that individual, as matters of eternity are far more important than anything on this earth. So, that’s what I did. I scratched the whole parable lesson, flipped to Revelation, and we spent the next 45 minutes quickly reading through that book. I brought up all the important points I could think of, and we finally got to the end of the story, when Jesus wins, with his army behind him, and the New Jerusalem is here! He was so excited! He asked if he could fight in God’s army in heaven. This is really cool, because I have only found four things he is extremely interested in: joining the United States Army, chickens, tornadoes, and the Bible. He was able to combine two of his interests this morning. It was so neat to be able to share with him as the neat things John had revealed to him!

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from one of our staff. It was a forwarded message from a Christian soldier serving in Afghanistan. He had taken the time out of his schedule serving to write my boy. He told him all about joining the army, studying hard, and being a soldier who knows the difference between right and wrong. He even concluded the letter by writing, "Remember that soldiers only fight to defend those who aren't strong enough to defend themselves." It was so incredible! We made a whole book out of it. I got my boy all the information I could about the army, including pictures. We packed them all in a binder and he's been hauling it with him. This has given him a hope for his future, which is rare with these kids. It's given him a reason to study and stay in school. I am so proud of him!

Please pray for the Navajo people. Pray for the kids who have no stability. One girl  asked me last Friday as she was being pulled out for the third time in the two years I have been here, “Ms. Matheny, why does this keep happening?” My heart broke. What do I tell a 9-year old when I don’t even understand? Pray for stability, and a desire to be planted in their hearts to be everything they can be. My boy wants to serve in the Army! I encourage him in that dream nearly every day. Pray that he does not lose that dream. That none of them lose their dreams.